Confidence.
Self-confidence is an attitude which allows individuals to have positive yet
realistic views of themselves and their situations. Self-confident people trust
their own abilities, have a general sense of control in their lives, and
believe that, within reason, they will be able to do what they wish, plan, and
expect. Having self-confidence does not mean that individuals will be able to
do everything. Self-confident people have expectations that are realistic. Even
when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and
to accept themselves.
People who
are not self-confident depend excessively on the approval of others in order to
feel good about themselves. They tend to avoid taking risks because they fear
failure. They generally do not expect to be successful. They often put
themselves down and tend to discount or ignore compliments paid to them. By
contrast, self-confident people are willing to risk the disapproval of others
because they generally trust their own abilities. They tend to accept
themselves; they don’t feel they have to conform in order to be accepted.
Confidence
is an extremely imperative characteristic to have in the work place. It is
essential to have if one wants to achieve success in their field of work. It is
especially essential to have in a job that involves sales, interviewing,
training, and taking on new responsibilities. However, some people lack
confidence. Even some of the people who appear very confident go through ebbs
and flows of self-confidence. Where does lack of confidence come from, and how
can you overcome it? Below are ten helpful steps separated into two phases…
Phase
#1: Eliminating Self-doubt
Building
self-confidence is a two-phase process. The first phase involves purging
yourself of self-doubt; in the second, you build up your confidence. It’s like
erecting a skyscraper: First you clear the site and lay a solid foundation,
then you stack the superstructure. How high you go--how much confidence you
muster--is up to you. Here's a 10-step plan.
Step 1.
Understand Its Origins
Self-doubt
crept into your system as a baby. As toddlers, we all looked at the power our
folks had and thought: “Gotta be like them.” This wish isn’t the problem;
putting our parents on pedestals is. It’s complex, but from the moment we crave
power akin to what we feel our parents have, we continually contrast our sense
of self with our ego ideal---an imagined, perfect self, derived from our image
of our “super-powerful" parents. Since no one can live up to the standards
set by ego ideals, we spend the rest of our lives (to greater or lesser
degrees), plagued by doubt. This is irrational, of course, but true.
Step 2.
Accept It
There’s a
school of psychotherapy---called “acceptance therapy”---based on the insight
that admitting you suffer from a problem reduces the distress it can cause.
(Conversely, denying the existence of a problem, or beating yourself up for
having a flaw, is always debilitating.) Everyone, even superstars, feels like a
fake or failure at times. We all have imperfections. Recognizing that those
whom you admire most have them, too, is the trick.
Step 3.
Fess Up
You're
probably not done with Step 2 yet. Chances are that real acceptance won't kick
in without sharing your anxiety with someone you trust. Think you’ll flub a
presentation? Give one to friends. Doubt you command respect? Ask someone you
admire (but don’t report to) if all is okay. Worst case is that whomever you
confide in will give you negative feedback that you can use to improve.
Admitting what plagues you (and then learning that others feel the same way)
will help you realize that while self-doubt is vexing, no one dies from it.
Step 4.
Look At The Facts
If a
claustrophobic person gets stuck in an elevator, it's hard for them to focus on
the certainty that, any minute now, it will be moving again. Fear and panic
simply take over. The same tendency is true with self-doubt, but unlike with
claustrophobia, a few hard facts can help. Example: If you've been promoted
somewhat recently, remind yourself why you were tapped. Make a list of all your
valuable skills and accomplishments. Read them aloud if you have to. But--and
this important--don't lean on a prepackaged pep talk, a la the old Stuart
Smalley character on "Saturday Night Live." False self-praise will do
more damage than self-doubt.
Phase
#2:
Step 5.
Know That Nothing Is Inherently Threatening
Boosting
Self-confidence
If possession is nine-tenths of the
law, then perception is 100% of the truth. A dreadful event can be made
manageable if you tell yourself you have the stuff to cope with it. Remember
that.
Step 6.
Confront Your Fear...
Okay, for
most people, that last Jedi mind trick isn't enough. Fear, no matter its
source, is a formidable adversary. That's why you have to pick a fight with it.
William Jennings Bryan claimed, “The way to develop self-confidence is to do
the thing you fear.” Setbacks are inevitable--suck it up. Resilience is the
steel skeleton of self-confidence.
Step 7.
...But Choose Your Battles
Specifically,
this means taking on challenges that are egosyntonic--that’s shrink-speak for
behaviors and feelings that match your view of who you are. It is much easier
to boost self-confidence by confronting challenges of your choosing than by
tackling what someone else tells you to do. If you pick the battles you engage
in because you believe in their aims, your self-confidence will increase along
with your winning percentage.
Step 8.
Once You Master Something, Stretch
Nothing
erodes self-confidence like shooting fish in a barrel. Add more challenge to
every task you tackle and your self-confidence will grow in lockstep. Level off
for too long and you'll be on the slick slope to burnout.
Step 9.
Never Solicit What You Hope Will Be Confidence-boosting Feedback
“How am I
doin’?” may a good question for politicians to ask their constituents, but it’s
a bad question for those looking to boost confidence---mainly because it smacks
of insecurity and probably won't lead to honest feedback.
Step 10.
Beware Hubris
In all
things, too much is no good. That goes for self-confidence, too. Believe in
yourself--just don't be a jerk about it.
Confidence
is a key characteristic to have no matter what path you take in life. You may
have it most of the time and lack it sometimes (for reasons you can't quite
figure out), or you may lack it most of time. However, it is never too
late to understand your own origins of low self-confidence. Make it a priority
to for yourself to figure out these origins and to attack them so you can
approach any goal, activity, action, and career with confidence!
